BOOK IT: 25 FEARLESS Predictions for the Jaguars Offense


Here it is, folks – the prophecy, the vision, the good word, the readings and whisperings of the ether. Here are 25 FEARLESS predictions for the Jaguars 2011 offense. I’d say everyone one of these points has a 94.62% chance of happening, so go ahead and BOOK IT…

  1. Blaine Gabbert will make zero starts for the Jaguars this season.
  2. However, he still gets laid more than anyone on the team.
  3. Luke McCown will make two starts for the Jags this season.
  4. David Garrard will pass for more than 3500 yards, despite not playing in all 16 sames.
  5. David Garrard’s Total Quarterback Rating or TQR (click to learn more) will be right in the middle of the rankings for 2011 starting QB’s.
  6. The world will realize Total Quarterback Rating is a load of crap. Looks like you’ll need to develop a new stat to make it seem like you were a decent quarterback, Dilfer.
  7. Marcedes Lewis will have fewer than his 10 touchdowns in 2010.
  8. He will surpass his 2010 numbers in receptions (58) and yards (700).
  9. Marcedes becomes the Designated Pass Rusher that coach Del Rio always wanted and never had. He registers 7.5 sacks and his signature move is the Roundhouse Kick to the head, which he executes on Peyton Manning three times this season.
  10. Mike Thomas will have 1000 yards receiving, leading the team.
  11. M80 will have 5+ touchdowns in the Red Zone.
  12. Despite his success, Mike Thomas continues to see the team psychologist for his struggles with Napoleon Complex. Maurice Jones-Drew becomes his sponsor and mentor throughout the counseling.
  13. Cecil Shorts will have more receptions and yards than Jarrett Dillard and Zach Miller.
  14. Jason Hill will have 5+ catches of 40 yards or more.
  15. Fans will still complain that we didn’t sign Randy Moss, Plaxico Burress, Malcolm Floyd…etc etc etc
  16. Eben Britton gets a Derek Cox-esque benching early in the season and returns after several games looking like a new player.
  17. Eugene Monroe is voted into his first Pro Bowl.
  18. Jason Spitz will play three different positions on the offensive line this year and plays more snaps than any other Jaguars offensive lineman.
  19. Rashad Jennings has more than 100 carries and averages over 5.0 yards/carry.
  20. For every 3 TD’s Mojo has, Rashad Jennings has 2.
  21. Deji Karim returns a kickoff for a TD in the month of September.
  22. He finishes the year with 3 special teams TD’s.
  23. Maurice Jones-Drew plays in all 16 games.
  24. MJD surpasses 1500 yards from scrimmage, but finishes with less than 10 TD’s.
  25. He drafts himself 1st overall in his fantasy league, but takes home the league championship in large part to another monster season by Phillip Rivers, who he drafted in the 4th round.

– Andrew Hofheimer