Welcome to the first edition of Friday Facepalm. During this weekly adventure, we will take a few moments to review some of the dumbass decisions made around the league by players, coaches, refs, journalists, or anyone else that I deem an idiot. Our shining star this week is Times Union contributor Hays Carlyon. If those chubby cheeks and dull, autistic stare are not enough to already make you hate him, please take a moment to read this article.
Let me start out by saying holy sh*t, I could feel brain cells imploding as I reviewed this journalistic abortion. Normally I have problems with the sports media parroting reviews from ESPN or NFL Network, but you have to hand it to Mr. Carlyon. He appears to have completely made most of this sh*t up. Even if he has a pessimistic view towards the upcoming season (which I do not have an issue with), opening the article with “And with the fourth pick in the 2012 NFL Draft, the Jacksonville Jaguars select…” establishes himself as an uninformed douche before the end of the second line.
He goes on to b*tch and complain about the fact that the Jaguars did not draft for need, failing to address the defense until the second pick of the fourth round. Nothing like having someone writing for the local paper that is unfamiliar with our general manager and his drafting philosophies. I suppose selecting a potential franchise quarterback, an offensive guard that has the opportunity to immediately start and play for the next ten years, and a receiver that we hope will improve the offense were all terrible decisions. We should have obviously reached for a safety or cornerback with each and every pick.
I will let the fact that he referred to Gabbert as a risky quarterback go (because in my opinion, all QBs taken in the top 10 are an inherent risk, even if ranked number one by both Kiper and Mayock like Gabbert was), but lets take a second to evaluate the teams that he wished the Jaguars had drafted like. DENVER. BUFFALO. HOUSTON. WASHINGTON. ARIZONA. With a combined 2010 record of 27 wins and 53 loses, I am not sure that the Jaguars should be emulating these storied franchises.
Hays ends this Pulitzer winner with his prediction for the 2011 season, because someone that has such a firm grasp on the present should definitely be taken at their word on the future. He predicts that the Jags go 5 and 11, with wins over Tennessee, Carolina, Cincinnati, Cleveland, and Tennessee again.
In conclusion, I have two thoughts swirling through my noggin. Number one, it is a shame that someone did not introduce Hay’s mother to a flight of stairs whilst he was in utero. Number two, if you enjoyed this article as much as I did, pass along a little note to the author himself at email@example.com.
Thanks and until next time,
“The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.” Voltaire