Please stop feeding Terrance in the offseason. I know you love your boy, just as all of our mothers do, and can’t help but want to stuff his face with all of your homecooked goodness because “those mean ole coaches be makin’ you eat all that damn salads”. We need Terrance badly and if he’s winded just from running from the sideline to the huddle or constantly descending to the locker room to get an emergency Sticky Bun out of his locker, he won’t be very useful to our defense. I know, I know…my mom is the same way whenever I come home – y’all just love us and want to make sure we’re eatin’ good. The difference is, I won’t lose my job if I report to work 25 pounds overweight (although my self-esteem will likely take a big hit when I hear what they’re saying by the water cooler).

Sincerely,
Andrew Hofheimer