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Haunted by the Ghost of Jaguars Receivers Past

Source: pmark.com

I quick apology to readers – the regularly scheduled “BOOK IT” article will be released tomorrow or this weekend – we’re still a little behind from Memorial Day this week and I have family in town for a wedding, so I’m doing what I can. I didn’t want to leave you with nothing, so I present you a picture from last week that I’ve chosen to revisit. Last Tuesday, I made this picture my desktop background, because I thought it was funny how our entire squad of wide receivers from 2008 is no longer with the Jaguars and five of six are no longer in the NFL. And they have ridiculous poses. And it reminds me how far we’ve come from that soul-crushing season of 2008, the year we were picked to be the AFC representative to the Super Bowl. Before I go any further, click on the image above to see it in full size and examine the intricacies of the picture. Treat it like a “What’s wrong with this picture?”-type game. When you’ve done that, join me on page 2…

What’s wrong with this picture?

  • Troy Williamson: One of the fastest receivers that has ever played for the Jaguars is in the “catch the bomb” pose, making an over-the-shoulder catch. And of course, his eyes aren’t on the ball. Guarantee this one was incomplete, too.
  • Matt Jones: Gauge earrings in, shoes untied/unstrapped, completely lackadaisical look on his face (it’s the offseason, so 95% chance he’s stoned), and without fail, Matty goes for the one-handed catch. Burnouts…
  • Dennis Northcutt: Someone tell me just what exactly he thinks he’s doing catching a ball over the middle? Excuse me. After checking with my source, I’m told that Dennis dropped the ball a split-second after the picture was snapped because he confused the sound of Mike Walker’s (who was secretly traded for his cousin with not one but two functional knees, Mike Sims-Walker, in the following offseason) creaking arthritic knee for a phantom safety prowling over the middle. Cheers, Dennis.
  • Reggie Williams: The funniest thing about his cocaine arrest/tazing indident in Houston after the 2008 season was that it was such a bizarre and extravagant end to an otherwise completely bland career. Not unlike Reggie’s post-play celebrations following the most mundane accomplishments, such as a 3 yard reception short of the first down marker or a semi-decent block. I’d be willing to bet the net worth of the diamonds in Jerry Porter’s earlobes that Reggie spiked the ball after the picture was snapped and screamed in the cameraman’s face, “WHO’S MOTHAF#!$@n’ HOUSE YOU THINK YOU IN?!?!?”
  • Mike Walker: Everyone knows MSW only caught the ball the Jaguars had a huge lead or a huge deficit and the game no longer mattered. Probably why he always won the “Underwear League MVP” awards.
  • Jerry Porter: Jerry Porter, the biggest criminal of them all. Few players more self-absorbed than Porter have graced the Jacksonville sideline. The pouty camera play, the giant diamond stud earrings, and an obsession with his abs that would make The Situation blush, it’s no surprise this guy gave you 11 receptions for less than 200 yards before leaving Jacksonville with $11 million in his pocket.

Sometimes, you just gotta vent.

- The Hof

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