Now that we have concluded that Chad Ochocinco is nothing more than an underwhelming leech on society, let’s move on to Braylon Edwards. After King James banished Edwards from Cleveland, Rex Ryan jumped on the opportunity to sign a wide receiver that showed a potential to be great, but promise to be an idiot. Back in September, Edwards was pulled over at five in the morning for having his windows tinted to dark. The officer quickly recognized the scent of malt liquor and Hennessey oozing from the player’s pores, and administered a Breathalyzer. Edwards blew twice the legal limit, and was arrested on the spot.
Normally a football player getting drunk and making a stupid decision would receive about three seconds of my thoughts (twice as long as Ochocinco’s bull riding career), but this story has a twist. Less that a week prior to this arrest, the Jets had started the Player Protect program, a 24 hour a day driving service created to prevent issues just like this. This program is pretty much a golden ticket to be drunk nonstop, with zero consequences. But Braylon was able to screw that up as well. Ever since joining Black and Teal, I have been pushing for a Writer Protect program, but to no avail. Cheapskates.
But Edwards’ stupidity continues. After missing a mandatory court appearance in New York on Monday, his lawyer quickly explained to the judge that Braylon intended to be present, but a delayed flight out of Los Angeles had prevented his arrival. Good save, Mr. Lawyer, until you head over to Edwards’ twitter to read “Goodbye Cali I’m heading back home to Michigan”. In words echoed to me by my father countless times while growing up, retardation is a terrible disease.
Until next time, “Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.” Elbert Hubbard