The draft has come and gone, and I feel that it is time for us to sit down and digest what we all witnessed. 254 young men have officially risen from the ranks of college boys to NFL men, which means that the stupid mistakes they made as impoverished youth with be multiplied tenfold now that they are making more money in a year that you and I will see in our entire lives. Lovely.
The 2011 NFL draft started out on a positive note right away. Surprisingly, the crowd which was made up predominately of New Yorkers, turned out to be predominately assholes as well. I am sensing a positive correlation here… NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was showered with boos nearly every time he took the stage. The people want football, and Goodell’s sh*tty rule changes as well as overall douchey demeanor seem to be hampering the negotiations between players and owners. The audience was united in their general level of disgust for the man who has become the face of the lockout. So with the tone of the evening set, let us reflect.
- Von Miller was overcome by emotion and brought to tears when selected by the Denver Broncos. If fact, he stayed in the green room for quite a while before going on stage to HUG THE MAN THAT HE IS SUING. This arrogant prick was in on the players’ class action suit before evening being drafted.
- Marcell Dareus was showing off his excellent financial planning skillz at Radio City Musical Hall. Who needs savings when you can have this much BLING! But don’t worry, Michael Irvin completely endorsed his character on NFL Network. That’s about as helpful as Matt Jones speaking up for Mallett’s ability to cut lines.
- Did anyone else notice that Prince Amukamara’s mother (second from the left, in case you’re retarded and could not figure this out on your own) is the Chiquita Banana lady?
- While we are on the topic of family, I am happy to reveal that the DNA tests are in, and we have identified Julio Jones’ parents.
- That smile says “Goddamn Atlanta gave up an assload of picks to come get me. Which means they will also pay me out the ass”. Good luck Julio, and stay away from Arnold Schwarzenegger and the bed of pick up trucks please.
- Mike Munchak appears to be doing his best to keep the Titans as crappy as possible. “Well let’s see here, Blaine Gabbert is available, but we should probably pick Jake Locker instead. He is excellent outside of the pocket, but makes terrible decisions and inaccurate passes when safely behind his offensive line.” This bodes well for the Jaguars defense, who’s strategy the past few years has been to disrupt to quarterback as little as possible.
- Jerry Jones showed patience and intelligence in picking an offensive lineman in the first round. It was a shame that the Raiders did not have a first round pick so that we could all enjoy and appreciate the ever increasing senility of Al Davis.
Immediately following the draft, I was shell shocked by the Jaguars selections. “Why the *&$@ didn’t you take Prince Amukamara in the first and Ryan Mallett in the second you #*(& sucking $^%#@ hounds?”, seemed the be the question that was running through my mind over and over again. But after thinking it through and checking out the tape on the guys I had never heard of, I am pleased with the Jags 2011 draft and believe that several of the players will start for us next season, and that Gabbert will be our franchise quarterback for years to come. In Gene we trust.